Contemporary American Literature

   “Good evening and welcome to Reader Roundtable. Thank you for joining us. Tonight’s guest is Marvin Costas. Good Evening, Marvin Costas. Thank you for taking time out of what I know must be a very busy schedule."


   “It’s my pleasure, Jonathan. Glad just to be here. Thanks for inviting me.”

   “Before discussing your published work, let’s talk about your background. You were born in Michigan, spent most of your boyhood in Montana. Would you say yours was a fairly normal upbringing?”

   “Yes, for the most part. Perhaps only the level of activity of my parents might stand out. We were a family of doers. Do, do, do. My father did a tremendous amount. My mother did from morning till night. And my syblings learned pretty early to do what we could and more.”

   “What did you do?”

   “Everything you can think of really. We just did.”

   

   “And still today?”

   “Oh yes. I did. I do do, I shall so.”


   “Well said. Back then, did you do it?” 


   “I was too young.”


   “When would you say it began to interest you?”


   “You know, I’ve been asked that question many times. I’ve racked my brains, and I can’t really remember a time when it didn’t interest me.”


   “So you do do it. But do you just do it?”


   “No actually, I do a couple other things as well.”


   “So you don’t personally just do it?”


   “I would rather do it. That part’s autobiographical. But I’m so busy with this author's tour that it’s sometimes hard. There are just so many things I wouldn’t do if I just did … you know…”


   “It?”


   “It. Yes.”


   “Then what brought you to write JUST DO IT, if you don’t mind our turning now to your work itself. From where did you draw your inspiration?”


   “Well, I had just been thinking about it for a years, and—


   “It?”


   “Writing ‘JUST DO IT.”


   “I see. So you previously just THOUGHT it. Can you remember any of the other works that you were considering writing at the time?”

“Well, let’s see. It’s been a few years. Oh, I remember. One of them was DON'T GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT BEING A FAKE!"

“Practical suggestion.”

“But the publisher was afraid the public would hear DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT BEING A FAKE! and think it meant they shouldn’t trust the American Express Card.”

“I see.”

“My publisher is owned by an Affiliate of American Express so… Another one that I gave real serious consideration and some of your audience may recognize because I did publish it just a couple years ago was ‘Just get out there and age!’”

“Oh, thank you for that applause. So, to get back to that period of my career, I was pretty sure that JUST DO IT was ready, but I was hesitant.” And one day, I just said to myself “Marvin, just do it.”

“Just write JUST DO IT?”

“Yes.”

“And did you?”

“Yes.”

“On a tee-shirt.”

“No, actually.”

“Where then?”

“My first attempt was in my bedroom.”

“Why there?”

“I don’t really know. Probably because it was there.”

“Like Sir Edmond Hilary.”

“Precisely.”

“I see. So, do you think that today more people are doing it thanks to you?”

“Oh I’d love to take credit for the sharp increase in it being done since the publication of my work, but I think there was a pent-up demand and I just came along and gave it expression at just the right time. You could have done just the same thing.”

“How many of those people are JUST doing it?”

“The numbers are fairly significant, I think. And not only are people just doing it, they’re also just having it, just buying it and just trading it up. It’s  just very humbling.”

“And how do you explain the immense impact that your work has had on people?”

“First, I think people are busy and they enjoy shorter and yet still engrossing works of literature that still pack a wollup.”

“While I was doing research for this interview, I read some reviews of course.”

“Oh boy.”

“The New York Times was an immediate fan. But what’s interesting is that their reviewer was sure that ‘it’ was belittling your mate.”

“That was a popular theory in the beginning.”

“You’ve been quoted as saying that IT was deliberately ambiguous.”


“No, I was misquoted. What I actually said was that was that the metaphorical-synthetic insertion of itness will almost inevitably spawn obligada impulse catharsis."

"I see. Yes, I definitely follow what you just said."


"Had I written  JUST DO KNEE BENDS or JUST DO A WELSH FOLKDANCE, no one would have said a word, you see."


"Indeed."


When you’re telling an entire national population to just do one thing, it’s very difficult to decide what that could be if you don’t want to kill them all off.”

“So you felt a heavy responsibility had fallen upon your shoulders when you wrote those words.”

“Enormous, yes. I knew it would be big and that an awful lot of people would stop parenting, stop kicking while treading water and so on to devote themselves to just doing it. So…”

“And that’s proven true. How do you explain that?”

“I think people were searching for something easy but simple-minded in a society that’s become more and more empty, weird and insecure.”

“Let’s take some questions from the audience. There are people chomping at the bit.”

“Fine.”

“Go ahead, Miss.”

“I just wanna say I read JUST DO IT and I gave it to my second grade class to read and we had some terrific discussions. My question for you, Mr. Costas, is what would you say is the greatest benefit?”

“Of just doing it? uh… First, thank you for your flattering words. I guess the first benefit is it reduces inactivity. Studies show that with the exception of those who take IT to mean EAT, people are slimmer and more active than before they began what’s now being called THE JUST DO IT LIFESTYLE^®.”

“Our next questioner.”

“Is it true that Jesus just did it?”

“I’ve read that there’s evidence to that effect. My personal opinion, if you’ll allow me, for a moment…”

“Of course. Please.”

            “My personal opinion is that super-achievers, whether they be Jesus or the founder of Macdonalds or the founder of Best Buy or the founder of American Express, just to name a few at random, must have been practicing something like THE JUST DO IT LIFESTYLE^® . I’m currently working on a new work, as a matter of fact, and it’s tentative title is WHAT IF JESUS JUST DOES IT. A bit long and clumsy, I know and I’ve got to work on the verb tense, but I feel if all goes well, it’ll be out on hats by September and the rest of the wardrobe next January.”

           

“I’d like to thank our guest Marvin Costas for being here tonight. JUST DO IT. Three little words. Well, two little words and the word JUST. JUST. Short for justice? No. Justice has no shortcuts. Which is why our courts are clogged like a stinky disposal in a Central American tacoria. This is America where Justice takes his time. Years of delay, sometimes even months. And when a big corporation has fucked you out of your pension so that their little dicked financial officers can bonk Las Vegas call girls on the taxpayers dime, we hope everyone concerned will stuff a pillow under their hips and remember that Marvin Costas slaved away so that you and I wouldn’t have to think for ourselves. Join us next week when our guest will be a woman who changed genders more than once. Good night.”